Alright, so today is my 18th birthday. 🙂 It has been a good day. Really.
So lately one thing I have been stressing about is Support. I have sent out just about as many letters as I can, and for my birthday i told my friends to just not get me a present, but rather money for my trip. I still get really stressed, especially after hearing how well other people are doing on theirs. The deadline for $600 is may 1st. I’m not there. Or should i say, i wasnt there.
today my mom handed me a check addressed to AIM, for $500. Two emotions came to mind, excitement, and fear. This check is what i need to make my first deadline. If i make this deadline, it’s basically final. Another thing, is my parents dont exactly have the money to shell out like that. So this might be kinda hard on them, although my mom insists it’s fine.
So then i start this inner emotional strugle. Send the check in? or no? Am i suppose to go? what happens if i dont get the rest of the support in? what about my friends? how am i going to handle leaving them?
I turned to one of the only people with the wisdom to help me. Mark almand. He basically told me to write out a pro/con list, & do a listening prayer.
Before i did that, i grabbed the journal that i wrote in everyday while i was in the DR to my parents. I read it through for the first time since… i wrote it. If there is anything that can get me back there, it’s talking to the people from the DR, and reading that journal. It touched me.
After that i prayed some more, and God once again reminded me of the verse He showed me while i was in the dominican. Acts 23:11, if you will. ”
11 The following night the Lord stood near Paul and said, Take courage! As you have testified about me in Jerusalem, so you must also testify in Rome.”
And also i felt He said, “Remember that day on the bridge.” I knew exactly what the reference was to. it was to the day when i was standing on a bridge in the dominican, away from my group, sunny, beautiful view.
This picture is the arial view of the dam that i found online.
This is the view off of the dam.
That day, as i stood there in aw of God’s creation, i prayed asking God if i should come back next fall. I got no answer, but rather, the most peaceful feeling i have ever, ever, ever felt. it warmed my whole body. Thinking back now, i know, and i understand. I know, i’m suppose to go. Just let go, and let God, right?
So thats what im doing. my check will be in the mail tomorrow, and i’m excited. 🙂
I love you all!!!
